New Rules..!!

[Al Zulfiqar]

I have reliably learnt from a secret authority, placed high inside the hierarchy at saifee mahal, (let us refer to him as 'deep throat') that many new rules are being formulated for the 'benefit' of the community. there is an entire brains trust secretly engaged in structuring and strategising new concepts and methods by which our momeneen will be able to enjoy even more azeemushan sharaf of being fida on our maula.

deep throat has been revealing to me in bits and pieces any information he is able to secretly glean from his sources. some of the rules already completed are:

1. soon the ejamaat cards will be equipped with magnetic stripes so that everytime you visit the markaz/musafarkhana/ziyarats/ashura tamashas conducted by syedna/burhani expos etc etc it will be swiped and your entries recorded. all entry points in such venues will now be strictly controlled and monitored with such card entries only, a la subway stations, bus and transit stations etc.
2. all jamaat dues will be linked directly with your credit card and jamaat will co-sponsor or co-brand such cards in its own name. it will be compulsory for every bohra adult, male or female, to have this card.
3. jamaat will have right to deduct your dues and taxes by charging your credit card.
4. every working and self-employed bohra will have to compulsorily provide copy of their work contract, salary pay stubs and income tax returns copy to the jamaat.
5. every bohra must provide copy of their car/vehicle registration and proof of ownership of their vehicles/boats/yachts/pvt aircraft to the jamaat.
6. full details of their residence with tenancy contracts, or ownership documents with present market value.
7. at the final stage, it is planned that all bohras will be required to have their pay remitted directly to their jamaat. businessmen will have to provide their local amil access to all their accounts, failure to do so will result in baraat from community.
8. lastly, it is planned that kothar will have its own bank and all remittances as in 7 above must be directed to your account in this bank.
9. your local amil and jamaat committee will allocate monthly funds per family based on number and age of family members, type of residence they own and their existing status, viz. mulla, sheikh etc. this will be the start of socialism and benign communism in our community. karl marx will be declared a duat al mutleqeen and all dates associated with his life will become important miqats in our calender.
10. all bohra pvt residences will be fitted with cctv cameras and all bohras will be reqd to wear std and ridha 24/7 at home at all times. george orwell will be declared a haq na saheb and his urus and milad celebrated with great gusto.
11. 50 years from now, it is planned to have every bohra embedded with a state-of-the-art microchip which will not only help facilitate to closely monitor their movements, but also regulate and manipulate their minds and thought processes. bhai pentium will be elevated to status of hujjatul balagh and salaams will be instituted in his name, similar to the salaams for imamuzzaman.

i will keep updating this thread with any new info as and when it trickles out through my friend deep throat in saifee mahal. please keep closely watching this space. please remember that all these untiring efforts are being undertaken by our rehbars and khair-khwas in qasre aali, so that we may completely dedicate our lives and our minds and souls to our aqa and maula, our haq na saheb, our beloved dai, emni tulul umr ta qayamat!

[ozmujaheed]

AZ I am not surprised and I would have done the same if I was the kothar and had so many abdes at my disposal..

And by the way why not why call them Slaves if they cannot get them work for them and only give us the essesntials to breath a life.

On a serious note I ask them to bring it on and see if they can do so in western liberal free societies ?

Saifee mahal is realy securing its offsprings earning securoty in case the 53rd is not as charismatic

[seeker110]

It looks to me they do not trust their own people(Amils,other appointees).Chor no bhai ghanti chor.

[Al Zulfiqar]

the usual posse of foaming-at-the-mouth abdes, defenders of criminals, are conspicous by their absence on this thread.

their silence is eloquent....

[ozmujaheed]

AZ have you thought that they may have started thinking that the progs may be making a logical point and reflecting on their abde faith ?

[Al Zulfiqar]

AZ have you thought that they may have started thinking ...?

abdes? and think ..???!! the 2 things are contradictory to each other. i admire your sense of humour.

[Humsafar]

Zulfiqar, good to see you back in full form. Wonder where Porus is these days???

[Al Zulfiqar]

Zulfiqar, good to see you back in full form. Wonder where Porus is these days???

thanks humsafar. it does become a family out here, doesnt it?

i too wonder about porus. maybe he is travelling or just taking a breather?

[broadminded]

AZ bhai..good you are back with a bang!..Admire your totally amazing writing style...you really pack a punch and call spade a spade..Any comments on the huge bungalow in Burhanpur? A while back some guy had come to Toronto to collect money for renovations to Hakeemiyah School..So is this where that money was spent? hmmmm. How about a cup of coffee on me at Timmies..location your choice!

[Al Zulfiqar]

bro. bm,

thanks for your effusive compliments. i dont deserve them.

i accept your offer of getting together and since i am not a coffee drinker (very un-canadian, i am afraid), i will treat you to some substantial food. how about that?

[profastian]

AZ bhai..good you are back with a bang!..Admire your totally amazing writing style...you really pack a punch and call spade a spade..Any comments on the huge bungalow in Burhanpur? A while back some guy had come to Toronto to collect money for renovations to Hakeemiyah School..So is this where that money was spent? hmmmm. How about a cup of coffee on me at Timmies..location your choice!

Wow, that was thorough. Find any polyps up there?

[Al Zulfiqar]

New Rules contd....

12. from now in it has been decided that purjosh maatam will be done on every salgirah, not only of the existing syedna of the time, but also of his puppies and timed according to their age. i.e. for 100th salgirah of dai - 100 hours, for his mongrel's 70th bday, 70 hours and so on. an ealan to this effect is being sent out from vazarutus saifiyah. this applies to every jamaat in every bilad and moze.
13. after this present dai, succeeding dai's and his siblings will attempt for maximum no. of children. all their sons will be sent out for amaalat to every town, bilad and moze. it is expected that within 20-25 years all paid nokar amils will become redundant and bohra community will have azeem sharaf of being ruled by dai's family members everywhere, i.e. the noor and shaan of dai will touch every bohra family.
14. so far we had been elevated to the level of ordinary farishta's with our dress code of STD. now new dai will take us even higher in our identity and each and every bohra will be given the great honor of attaching pure white wings behind their saayas. this will become compulsory after the demise of present syedna, eni tulul umr ta qayamat. tailors in bombay are already being trained in stitching this rare garment. they will then "fan" out all over the world to help fellow mumeneen.
15. after the demise of present dai, new dai will be wished not with 'tulul umr ta qayamat' but with 'tulul umr ta zuhoor' (of imam). this basically translates into the same thing, since hidden imam will most definitely be a no-show ta qayamat and will not appear to spoil the party.
16. every jamaat in every bilad and moze is being strictly asked that upon an abde bohra's death, THIS should be recited while bearing his janaaza to kabrastan, "INNA LIL DAI-E, WA INNA DAI-E RAJEUN".
17. after this syedna's demise, the nex dai will not just be haqiqi kaaba in name alone. bohras will no longer have to visit saudi arabia for haj. ours will be a mobile haj with a moving target, as the new dai will travel and stay, so will our kaaba. to this purpose, new dai is getting a ghilaf stitched in the form of a chador which he will wear himself and you will do tawaaf to him.

some more revelations will follow as i keep getting them from 'deep throat'.....

[khidmat]

New Rules contd....

12. from now in it has been decided that purjosh maatam will be done on every salgirah, not only of the existing syedna of the time, but also of his puppies and timed according to their age. i.e. for 100th salgirah of dai - 100 hours, for his mongrel's 70th bday, 70 hours and so on. an ealan to this effect is being sent out from vazarutus saifiyah. this applies to every jamaat in every bilad and moze.
13. after this present dai, succeeding dai's and his siblings will attempt for maximum no. of children. all their sons will be sent out for amaalat to every town, bilad and moze. it is expected that within 20-25 years all paid nokar amils will become redundant and bohra community will have azeem sharaf of being ruled by dai's family members everywhere, i.e. the noor and shaan of dai will touch every bohra family.
14. so far we had been elevated to the level of ordinary farishta's with our dress code of STD. now new dai will take us even higher in our identity and each and every bohra will be given the great honor of attaching pure white wings behind their saayas. this will become compulsory after the demise of present syedna, eni tulul umr ta qayamat. tailors in bombay are already being trained in stitching this rare garment. they will then "fan" out all over the world to help fellow mumeneen.
15. after the demise of present dai, new dai will be wished not with 'tulul umr ta qayamat' but with 'tulul umr ta zuhoor' (of imam). this basically translates into the same thing, since hidden imam will most definitely be a no-show ta qayamat and will not appear to spoil the party.
16. every jamaat in every bilad and moze is being strictly asked that upon an abde bohra's death, THIS should be recited while bearing his janaaza to kabrastan, "INNA LIL DAI-E, WA INNA DAI-E RAJEUN".
17. after this syedna's demise, the nex dai will not just be haqiqi kaaba in name alone. bohras will no longer have to visit saudi arabia for haj. ours will be a mobile haj with a moving target, as the new dai will travel and stay, so will our kaaba. to this purpose, new dai is getting a ghilaf stitched in the form of a chador which he will wear himself and you will do tawaaf to him.

some more revelations will follow as i keep getting them from 'deep throat'.....

Manipulating Quranic verse!!! You SOB have proved yourself to be a kafir. You are definitely an illegitimate offspring of this "deep throat" whom you so much admire.
Let me here from the progpigs on this forum what they recommend for you if they consider themselves as Muslims atleast. You have corrupted yourself to such an extent that you now start mocking Quranic Verse.

Allah's curse on you and your kind who have provided such a forum for corrupted souls like this Infidel Al Zulfiqar to mock, defame, disrespect and show contempt for not only the Naib e Imam uz zaman but now The Holy Quran.

[Al Zulfiqar]

khidmat,

there is no need to get so outraged and self-righteous. abde kafir bohras are violating the commandments of the quran everyday by doing sajda to their dai and blatantly singing 'sajda tujhe wajib hai', their dai goes against the injunctions of the quran (which has been extensively quoted here many times), by murdering and slaughtering wild animals for sport, he and his nefarious family are sponging off the community and refusing to give accounts which is again a blatant violation of the practices of the prophet and ali and the responsibility placed in them by the community etc, etc.

the dai also claims that without his sanction and raza you will not be granted jannah and if he declares baraat against you, even allah will not pardon you. so who is the kafir here indulging in shirk?

if you are so eager to utter laanats against kafirs, then start with yrself and your abdes first.

[Biradar]

Br. Al Zulfiqar,

I would suggest we be careful before calling someone kafir. I can understand your outrage and frustration at the orthodox followers of the sayedna, but by calling them kafir we are essentially painting them with a with very harsh brush. We do not have the authority to pronounce someone kafir and we should not take the role of judge in this matter. Most bohras are very nice and gentle people who will welcome everyone into their homes and help other as much as they can. For example, my parents are orthodox and they go out of their way to help poor relatives with groceries and medication. They are not singular and there are many, many such people. Lets not put all such people into the "kafir" boat.

Now, I do agree with you that outrage needs to be expressed at the lavish and extreme decadent lifestyle of the sayedna and his extended family. They spend crores on ziyafats, cricket matches and car rallies while many poor bohras are struggling for 3000 Rs to buy grain and food for the month. The situation is so contorted that well-to-do bohras have no clue that there are poor bohras living among them. Worse, I have seen that the poor feel intense guilt at being poor and will not ask for help. In fact, I think the bohras have adopted a prosperity gospel in which a poor person is to blame for his poverty.

So lets be more measured in our responses. I believe your robust humor is a good antidote to the idiocy of the orthodox on this board, but please lets not call each other kafir or other harsh words.

[jannatul baqi]

Br. Al Zulfiqar,

I would suggest we be careful before calling someone kafir. I can understand your outrage and frustration at the orthodox followers of the sayedna, but by calling them kafir we are essentially painting them with a with very harsh brush. We do not have the authority to pronounce someone kafir and we should not take the role of judge in this matter. Most bohras are very nice and gentle people who will welcome everyone into their homes and help other as much as they can. For example, my parents are orthodox and they go out of their way to help poor relatives with groceries and medication. They are not singular and there are many, many such people. Lets not put all such people into the "kafir" boat.

Now, I do agree with you that outrage needs to be expressed at the lavish and extreme decadent lifestyle of the sayedna and his extended family. They spend crores on ziyafats, cricket matches and car rallies while many poor bohras are struggling for 3000 Rs to buy grain and food for the month. The situation is so contorted that well-to-do bohras have no clue that there are poor bohras living among them. Worse, I have seen that the poor feel intense guilt at being poor and will not ask for help. In fact, I think the bohras have adopted a prosperity gospel in which a poor person is to blame for his poverty.

So lets be more measured in our responses. I believe your robust humor is a good antidote to the idiocy of the orthodox on this board, but please lets not call each other kafir or other harsh words.

'
Al zulfi is mentally handicap and retarded frustrated old fag.....most of people in real world dont care to such idots so he is just lanting his frustration on this board.what ever he calls to momeenin or people is general doesnt have any means of seriousness. no body cares what a fag things about dawoodi bohras or islaam in general.

[Biradar]

Al zulfi is mentally handicap and retarded frustrated old fag.....most of people in real world dont care to such idots so he is just lanting his frustration on this board.what ever he calls to momeenin or people is general doesnt have any means of seriousness. no body cares what a fag things about dawoodi bohras or islaam in general.

Perhaps you do not understand my point: the call for being civil applies to you and your orthodox friends too. Please do not abuse the freedom you have here by spewing such hatred. You think the sayedna is a messenger of peace, don't you? So can you try and emulate him and be polite? You and your friends are uncivilized, uncouth and foul mouthed. If you claim you are on the correct path please try and take the high ground. Your rants against the progressives are meaningless and just reenforce our idea that you have nothing to contribute and hence hide it behind vitriol.

[Humsafar]

I agree with Biradar, let's not get too strident in our condemnation. Calling them abde is enough of a condemnation, isn't it? What could be worse than being an slave of another human being. Besides, we should know that most abdes (apart from the vile breed that frequents this board) are to be pitied rather than trashed. They are oppressed, exploited and misguided people. Calling them kafirs and such will only add salt to their wounds. They are already hurting, we do not want to hurt them more.

[profastian]

Br. Al Zulfiqar,

I would suggest we be careful before calling someone kafir. I can understand your outrage and frustration at the orthodox followers of the sayedna, but by calling them kafir we are essentially painting them with a with very harsh brush. We do not have the authority to pronounce someone kafir and we should not take the role of judge in this matter. Most bohras are very nice and gentle people who will welcome everyone into their homes and help other as much as they can. For example, my parents are orthodox and they go out of their way to help poor relatives with groceries and medication. They are not singular and there are many, many such people. Lets not put all such people into the "kafir" boat.

What profound logic. People who are nice and help others with groceries and medication cannot be kafirs

[Al Zulfiqar]

biradar and humsafar,

i hear you and appreciate your comments and concerns.

let me clarify. i too know hundreds of simple, honest and basically pious god-fearing bohras who warm the innermost recesses of your heart with their warm hospitality, genuine affection and concerns for others, esp when they know you are bohra. I believe, in one of my posts on this forum in the past, i have talked about this and how touched one is with their simplicity and blind faith in their maula. such people put all their trust and loyalty towards someone they consider represents their very identity as human beings and devout bohras. they are not even aware of the massive fraud being perpetrated on them by their so-called maula and his parasitic family in the name of religion no less. they are too simplistic and unsophisticated in their education and outlook to even comprehend the vastness of the scams and deception of the kothar, the blatant and shameless manipulation of their deen and abuse of islam which is beyond blasphemy by those whom they blindly trust.

for such people, obviously no one would take pleasure in referring to them as kafirs. they do not know what they do, i have only pity for them. but those rascals who claim to be defenders of islam and perfect muslims led by an infallible leader whom they claim is a haq na saheb, natiqe quran and haqiqi kaaba etc bull, and then heckle, abuse and utter laanats on all and sundry; who claim to be perfectly well read and educated, have attended sabaks wherein they gather secret, so-called esoteric knowledge and claim to be superior in their knowledge and sneer upon others, such blasphemers fully deserve to be called kafirs as they "knowingly" practise kufr and take great pleasure and pride in indulging in shirk, knowing fully well that they are violating the injunctions of the Quran and the openly documented practices of the prophet and ali, whom they claim to follow as staunch shias.

i believe in calling a spade a spade. i know it hurts them and those with delicate and refined sensibilities like yrselves, who would never indulge in mudslinging and violence. i agree with you in more ways than one. i too do not believe in descending to the level of the gutter to take on the disgusting specimens who reside there and sully myself, but for those who continue to slander and abuse and spread hatred on this forum and openly advocate public violence and threaten the safety of those who disagree with them, people like incredible (aka jannatul baqi), profastian, propig, khidmat and their nefarious ilk, i have no other word except as KAFIR in capital letters.

humsafar's observation of calling such low-lifes as 'abdes', would under normal circumstances be enough of a grevious insult. but nearly 7 decades of mental conditioning and brainwashing has converted our people into actually wearing this title with pride and false honor!

as for whom the title applies or not, if nicety is a factor, then there are many millions and billions of nice non-muslim people from all religions and even atheists. neither i nor anyone in their right mind would normally refer even to them as kafirs, although technically from an islamic point of view they would qualify. no! once again, my ire is directed at those who want to be in your face and loudly defend what is indefensible, being advocates for criminals and thugs. they have willingly sold their souls and take pride in fraternising with the devil.

[khidmat]

day 3....not a single word of condemnation against the blasphemous action of Al Zulfikar ibn Yazid....on top of it the admin is deleting my post and issuing warning....so much for a debate....you could not digest even a couple of lines of truth...and wanna call urselves progressive...

Bottom Line - It is permissible for kafirs to manipulate and mock the Holy Quran on this forum but calling the kafir "a Kafir" is not permitted. i know it hurts. old Indian adage "Kaane ko kaana nahi kehna chahiye, uski jalti he".

[Al Zulfiqar]

day 3....not a single word of condemnation against the blasphemous action of Al Zulfikar ibn Yazid....on top of it the admin is deleting my post and issuing warning....so much for a debate....you could not digest even a couple of lines of truth...and wanna call urselves progressive...

Bottom Line - It is permissible for kafirs to manipulate and mock the Holy Quran on this forum but calling the kafir "a Kafir" is not permitted. i know it hurts. old Indian adage "Kaane ko kaana nahi kehna chahiye, uski jalti he".

khidmat,

with a name like yrs you should be in khidmat during the so-called 100th bday celebrations of maula. how can you find time to come here while you are a khidmatguzar+ scout+ burhani guard + mawaid and on top of that doing maatam 24/7 with 2 hands??

now suppose you were crushed to death during the rampage of surging abdes eager to glimpse their maula and getting phoonk done on their water bottles, wouldnt you be a shaheed in the cause of our deen and its infallible haq na saheb, our ilah ul ardh? then wouldnt it be appropriate for bohras at your janaza to recite "INNA LIL DAI-E, WA INNA DAI-E RAJEUN"?? would that not be a great honor for your departed soul? see, as it is your entire life is in khidmat of dai, you call yrself his slave (not allah's), you did sajdas to him, you dedicated your namaz, your rozas and tilawat of quran to him (not allah), then it absolutely logically follows that "you were of him and went back to him"?

[shabbir4u]

day 3....not a single word of condemnation against the blasphemous action of Al Zulfikar ibn Yazid....on top of it the admin is deleting my post and issuing warning....so much for a debate....you could not digest even a couple of lines of truth...and wanna call urselves progressive...

Bottom Line - It is permissible for kafirs to manipulate and mock the Holy Quran on this forum but calling the kafir "a Kafir" is not permitted. i know it hurts. old Indian adage "Kaane ko kaana nahi kehna chahiye, uski jalti he".

khidmat,

with a name like yrs you should be in khidmat during the so-called 100th bday celebrations of maula. how can you find time to come here while you are a khidmatguzar+ scout+ burhani guard + mawaid and on top of that doing maatam 24/7 with 2 hands??

now suppose you were crushed to death during the rampage of surging abdes eager to glimpse their maula and getting phoonk done on their water bottles, wouldnt you be a shaheed in the cause of our deen and its infallible haq na saheb, our ilah ul ardh? then wouldnt it be appropriate for bohras at your janaza to recite "INNA LIL DAI-E, WA INNA DAI-E RAJEUN"?? would that not be a great honor for your departed soul? see, as it is your entire life is in khidmat of dai, you call yrself his slave (not allah's), you did sajdas to him, you dedicated your namaz, your rozas and tilawat of quran to him (not allah), then it absolutely logically follows that "you were of him and went back to him"?

MR Al Zulfiqar
why you care mind your own Busniess PLS.

[ghulam muhammed]

why you care mind your own Busniess PLS.

This is exactly what the dai meant when he felicitated the butcher of muslims, Narendra Modi in a masjid and draped a shawl around him and gave him a cheque of over Rs.One crore........ So what if the ummat of Rasul Allah (s.a.w.) is massacred by this shaitan..... WHO CARES MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

[Al Zulfiqar]

MR Al Zulfiqar why you care mind your own Busniess PLS.

are you actually now beseeching me to stop kicking abde a@#*e??!!

[Al Zulfiqar]

new rules contd.....

18. from now on all bohras will hold a darees ni majlis atleast once every month for which a salaam of 2052/= rs is compulsory.
19. all bohra houses, be they huts or bungalows, must be permanently illuminated every day. in case of power supply being interrupted, generators should be installed of capacity more than reqd.
20. all extra power generated by bohra houses, must be fed into the jamat/markaz circuit so that it can operate free of cost. a power grid is being set up for this purpose.
21. a cookery competition will be held every 3 months and winning dishes will be sent to amil's devri.
22. winning chefs will compete against other regional chefs and so on, until the best chefs from each continent will be called to saifee mahal to cook for syedna and his hungry family for a period of 3 months.
23. every bohra is expected to walk barefoot everyday to show love for his maula. this will not exclude women and children or old and infirm bohras either.
24. every bohra from now on while walking in the streets, or driving in a car, or travelling in a bus, train or plane must be doing maatam at all times 24/7. all police forces throughout the world will grant exemptions to bohras for driving with one hand.

more updates will follow as i receive them from my source 'deep throat' in saifee mahal...

[Jamali]

Hilarious Al Zulfiqar.

Although its not right to laugh at someones faith, but you just cant help wondering how brainwashed and fanatics these Bohras are and considering that if such instructions were to be laid down from Saifee Mahal, they will blindly follow it to the dot. its really sad to see this. Almighty Allah forgive us all.

[Al Zulfiqar]

jamali,

thanks! although tongue-in-cheek, i am seriously hoping that my "new rules', will actually spur the kothari mafia to act on my ideas and advice. far from being a sad occasion, it will be greatly amusing for us to sit on the sidelines with samosas and pop and watch the abdes enjoying (squirming under the iron heel) the latest innovations, rules and regulations as they emerge from my chanakya brains and are imposed on the hapless bohras.

one of my 'rules' made in jest, was immediately implemented to the T during the recent salgirah insanity in mumbai. the 100 hour maatam to be achieved by relay teams actually saw the light of the day! that was scary, am i becoming clairvoyant or what??!!

now hear ye, hear ye, hear ye abdes. your fate and your future lies in my hands. i will be assisting the saifee mafia in devising new rules and schemes to defraud, defrock and delude abde bohras. I have accepted this assignment on a commission basis from the loot that will be generated through my ideas.

su maari niraali shaan che..!!!

[Al Zulfiqar]

25. saifee mahal has decided that from now on, in any major event of any sort held in india or any country where bohras stay in numbers and where said event is internationally televised, a delegation of atleast 200-300 bohra abdes will be sent in qaumi libas ul anwar and seated or marching en bloc. this abde bloc will be provided with huge banners reading "our syedna is ilah ul ardh", or "see the haqiqi kaaba", or "hear our natiqe quran", "long live aqa more-la ta qayamat", "gaze on our aqa's face and tremble all you munafiqs", etc. this bloc will be trained in singing madehs like "sajda tujhe wajib hai" and "ghanu jeevo", and strengthened to carry out purjosh maatam throughout the said event.

the events to be targeted will include top cricket matches, political leaders' speeches, strikes, public demonstrations, processions, the UN general assembly, filmfare awards, bollywood shows, independence day and republic day march pasts, and even the processions of other communities and religions like guru nanak jayanti, makar sankranti, ganpati festival, idd e milad, navratri, pateti and christmas, etc etc. this is expected to generate a lot of interest and goodwill for the bohra bhagwan and his puppies and our community at large. it will not be an exaggeration to state that within 2-3 years we should have atleast a million more converts eager to do sajda to dai and incessant maatam.

all abdes who will volunteer for this will get free lunch, dinner, chai and samosas as neccessary. those who serve selflessly in this team continously for 2 years will be rewarded with mafsuhiyat.

[broadminded]

Brilliant!! Like a work of art!..