by Al Zulfiqar on Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:19 pm
new rules contd.....
'deep throat' has been kept very very busy by syedna's outfit. he is the chief 'collector' or treasurer of funds collected on these various fund drives. since ashura, with syedna's health having improved sufficiently for him to be used for whipping up abde bohra sentiments and getting them to part with their surplus black money, 'deep throat', although busy under cover, has also been collecting valuable and explosive insider info to be published on the PDB forum.
friends, contrary to most news of gloom and doom for reformists in their fight against the goliath kothar, take heart. there are some well-placed sympathisers inside the evil establishment kothar, who are very highly placed and are privy to some of the most confidential information. according to secret tid-bits revealed to me, here are some new rules which will be brought into force and unfolded as time progresses.
41. henceforth, every DABR's child, male or female, will be instructed to 'give' periodic salaams. this practice will be commenced from the time a bohra baby is born. the parents of the newborn will touch the money to the baby's fist and araz it to syedna. this salam will be deposited soon after at the local jamaat office. the more you perform this practice, i.e. every month, or week etc, the more barakat your child will earn. you will see the results in your baby's upbringing, education, manners, namaz, etc. also the first solid food for the baby will also have to be given from the KBMBNS dabba scheme. this will get the child habituated to the noorani jaman blessed by syedna and it will consume DCP gladly all through its life.
42. now that muffy mola has proven his divine credentials by conversing with his dead bro. hoze' who reported from his qabr, it has been decided that every marhum abde or marhuma amte will be compulsorily buried with a working and fully-charged cellphone. as can be readily understood, hoze' was the progeny of an ilahul ardh and did not need such new fangled stupid contraptions like cell phones to convey his reports, but an ordinary adna mumin will not have this capability and then how will muffy talk to him/her? soon after a momin is buried, his relations can meet with muffy mola or arrange a tel call with him and muffy will report on the amno amaan of their departed by connecting with the buried cellphone. no mola or mansoos has ever bestowed such azeemushaan nemat and barakat for his abdes ever.
43. now that the entire rayyat has had proof of muffy mola's niraali shaan, all mumeen can now be prepared for announcements coming straight from jannat, conveyed by bro. hoze' to mansoos mola. we will be the only muslims in history, privileged to get eye witness accounts of the happenings of jannatul firdaus. what can be a more telling fact than this that ena ehsaan beshumaar chhe, eni su niraali shaan ane shaan chhe!!
44. a new tasbeeh is soon to be instituted. every bohra abde/amte/naunihal will now onwards recite this after every namaaz and when entering markaz/masjid - 'YA MUFFADAL, YA FULOOS.' this tasbeeh is said to have miraculous powers in increasing nemat and barakat for haq na sahebs.
45. it will now be made compulsory for every DABR to give atleast one darees, ziyafat, pagla or kadambosi to a member of the qasre ali and baite zainy every year without fail. syedna is working on scheduling systems whereby one or the other of his family MUST visit every bilaad, moze' and vatan atleast once every year and carry out this noble and azeemushaan deed.
46. all mumeneen must realise that syedna has granted the great sharaf to his great great grandchildren to now carry on the flag of daawat. a secret project to train them at a younger and younger age has now borne fruit. mumeen should not be surprised anymore to see young kids of 13-14 taking over as amils in their towns. mumeneen must realise that they are witness to a great miracle and that these youngsters are descended from heaven to guide them as hadi's, vali's and vasih's. a true momin will instantly fall at the feet of these divine personalities and shower them with respect, wealth and ziyafats. this sharaf of syedna to the divine kids will also result in freeing up the superb organisational skills and talents of the adult zaadas who can better invest their time in managing the myriad huge projects in construction, ashura events abroad, liasing with govts. security, banking, etc etc.
47. it is decreed, with the personal guidance of syedna and supported by muffy mola, that it is in the best interests of all mumeneen to be relieved of their excess financial surplus and commitments. thus every amil, jamaat committee member and sydena fidayeen will henceforth keep a close watch on every abde/amte's income and lifestyle. as is well-established in many spheres of life, taking away the surplus results in renewed vigor and motivation in life. eg. donating blood helps generation of fresh blood, taking water from a spring rejuvenates it, fleecing sheep brings forth more wool and so on. as must be evident to 'intelligent' momeneen, the recent trips of syedna and muffy mola were in fact 'mopping up' operations designed to make mumeneen work harder and improve their status in life. parting with your excess millions actually removes all the impurities from your home, business and health. besides it helps to secure an assured life for our rehbars who take care of us in allah's darbaar. it is also evident to those who reflect, that living in indolence is bad for your morals and upbringing, whereas living in a constant state of want, penury and tension to earn, is good for your soul and creativity. syedna and his mansoos have bestowed upon us beshummar ehsaan that they are firmly planting our feet on siratul mustaqeem!!
su eni niraali shaan chhe. ghanu jeevo ta qayamat!
(Kinky)
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