my sincere apologies to readers and reformists that this thread has languished for so long. I have been generally very busy with business and personal affairs that have kept me away from my desk and home base for extended periods. but the royal PIA (pain in the a#@e) family and their welfare has never been far from my mind and heart. deep throat has kept 'religiously' in touch with me and his reports have kept flowing to me as regularly as the constant flow of mojizas and shaanats of our beloved dai and his manhoos.
i have never wavered from keeping regular records of all the secret reports filed with me by deep throat. here is a small compilation of his meticulous eavesdropping and internal research conducted deep within the high security fortress and dungeons of saifee mahal.
rule no. 48.
it is hereby decreed by the manhoos and by his "the living dead" father that maatam and bayans take precedence over namaaz. doing purjosh maatam for hussain and belting out strident fact-filled bayans on the shaanats of our dai and his vice-regent are valued far above namaaz, in terms of spirituality and divine guidance - a la udaipur - where the stupid and pesky reformists made such a mountain out of a molehill and did not understand such a profound principle of our burhani religion. namaaz can wait, maatam and bayans cannot. this was also the practice of the prophet and ali, who were in direct communication with allah and were privy to the divine knowledge that it was duly sanctioned from the exalted almighty himself.
since the dai is representative of allah - please be beholden to the fact that he is referred to as allah na dai - all his farmabardaar abdes automatically become messengers of allah! the bohra uniform of white std is a testament to this self-evident fact. very few diehard abdes and reformists appreciate that mola smb had this divine vision several decades ago. in order to bring home this simple truth to every abde, amte and emna naunihalo, mola embarked upon conferring titles of mulla, sheikh, nkd, mkd etc upon every able bohra and has kept persisting in this endeavour to elevate their divine status. fools and detractors do not have the intellectual and spiritual depth to understand these deep actions of mola, drenched with esoteric insider treasures showered upon us.
it is perfectly acceptable and in fact expected as part of our divine faith and spiritual obligations to oppose those lobbies and naapaak individuals who dare raise their voices against our dai e allah and accuse him and his faultless, innocent family of nepotism, corruption, usury, exploitation and ayyashi, tax evasion, illegal hoarding of wealth, misguidance, deception, treachery, persecution, excommunication, mental and physical torture etc etc. as part of our religious duties as an abde syedna, such groups and individuals must be roundly beaten, assaulted, molested, murdered, hanged, drawn and quartered without mercy. they are nothing but mushriqs, munafekeens, and muddai's and deserve to be annihilated without remorse, a la udaipur.
since islam and our faith is a constantly evolving one - witness the graduation to planes, trains, cars and cruise liners, shikar trips, religious uniforms, synchronised maatam, allottment of prayer spaces, automatic computerised deductions for vajebaats, 100 hour maatams, grand salgirah processions etc, it is now the new dictum that the best and most effective and spiritual religious leader is the one with the most wealth and the one with the most panache and elan to flaunt it. thus it automatically follows that those who are his staunchest and most fanatic believers will enrich themselves too beyond their wildest dreams of avarice, a la their leader. their wealth, power and influence is living proof of their leader’s religious prowess and of their own spirituality and piousness. bohras must be judged based on their material success not their adherence to the sacrosanct principles of islam or emulating the lives of the prophet and his sahabas, of ali and panjatan paak, nor also the lives of past dais or imams who sacrificed their lives for islam. So the richer the abde bohra, the better bohra he is, whether he is a rascal, drunkard, womaniser, gambler or wife beater and dacoit is of no relevance. In fact such bohras are actively advised to seek lofty titles and sharaf of ziyafat, kadambosi, etc to atone for their sins.
as part of our evolving faith and recent revelations received by mola in the evening of his life and by his manhoos who has been receiving revelations from his recently departed bro, our man hoze’, ziyafats are a holy and spiritual duty of the highest order for every able abde. this ranks above tauheed and taqwa, namaaz and charity. a dai honors his abde by accepting a ziyafat, thus the act of ziyafat is twice blessed, for it not only helps the abde attain jannat ul firdaus, but also his mola. blessings and spiritual benefits are showered on both taker and giver, it is like nikaah, where both male and female achieve divine bliss in the eyes of allah.
with immediate effect, under the farmaan Mubarak of aali qadr manhoos mufaddal mola, all jamatkhanas and markaz’s shall begin conversion to theatre/cinema type halls with designated seating, controlled entry and exit points, large cinema screens, the latest in projection equipment and wherever possible, into 3d imax type sophisticated halls with dolby, cinemascope, and in larger cities into multiplexes. this will allow sale of tickets for every miqaat, majlis, urus, bayan and screening of documentaries on mola’s travels and also his divine family. although plum seats and choice rows will be reserved for the privileged shaikhs, mullas, committee members, amil saab and his family etc, the rest of the hoi-polloi will have the choice to choose their seats for one event or the entire season. these halls will have 21st century technological capability to convert into prayer halls when seats will fold into the ground and a qibla will rise from the stage. This arrangement will also allow all dues to be collected at the ticket booth where high speed computers will raise red flags when monies are due. This project is being refined and designs streamlined to suit both large and small complexes. more as deep throat reveals them, inshallah.....
and to conclude this report, let us all recite..
inna lid dai e, wa inna dai e rajeun.