Progressive Dawoodi Bohras

I was born and brought up in a high-profile reformist Bohra family in Udaipur. My grandfather was one of the pioneers in the Bohra reform movement. Fortunately, in my life so far I've never had any encounter with the Kothar or an occasion to visit Delan (local amil’s residence).

I am a doctor by profession and am working in the USA. I met this person with whom I decided to get married. Unfortunately, he belonged to the orthodox (non-reformist) group which shows blind allegiance to the Kothar. His parents’ deep involvement in the community life required their unquestioned devotion to the Sayedna.

Given these differences, I was sure our wedding was not going to be smooth. Trouble began at the word go. We being the girl’s side (ladki-wala, that is), it was taken for granted that I'll have to make compromises. In other words, take misaaq in order for the nikaah to be performed.

Some of my relatives belonged to the orthodox group, and they were willing to help me out with the wedding. But all this seemed very derogatory and meaningless to my father. I being the only daughter of the family, the anguish was that much more. My brothers and father were not at all willing to get me married in a way where they would not be allowed to attend and celebrate.

Anyway, it was decided after days of arguments and discussions that the best solution to this matter is that I take misaaq. Unaware of the boorishness and barbarity of the Kothar, the amil and the Jamaat of Udaipur, the date of the marriage was fixed and the amil himself agreed to give me the misaaq without any problems so I came to India on a four-week vacation. My in-laws, too, came from another town with the rest of the mehmaans. As promised by the amil, I was given misaaq two days prior to wedding without any question whatsoever being asked about my past.

I am sure that the whole amil clan knew who I was and what my family background was. The gist of this story is that just a day before our wedding when the nikaah forms were about to be signed, the amil demanded that my father be forced to take misaaq and be brought before him (amil) to beg for maafi (forgiveness). In fact, this point had already been cleared before my misaaq that none of my family members would be involved in the misaaq business. And it was agreed by the amil. But now he changed his colours.

So, after one whole week of trauma, tension and tears an ingenious solution was found by my uncles. An income tax officer in Udaipur happened to have the facts about the shady accounts of some corrupt people of the Kothar. On my uncles’ request, this officer met one of these corrupt fellows and politely told him to stop throwing spanners in my marriage or be prepared to face the music from the income tax authority. This proved to be very effective, as if the officer had pronounced some magic mantra.

The amil acted promptly and within a few hours the nikaah ceremony was finished. My parents were spared the humiliation of having to take misaaq against their will and having to bow to the dictates of the amil.

Lastly, the take-home message is that there is no law or justice in the Kothar's realm, and that the real mumineens are made to feel like dirt. In this age of progress and development, is the younger generation going to follow all this with a closed mind?

Definitely not. I am sure of that.